Managing Change - How clearing your small fears helps you to cope when the big things go wrong and life gets in the way!
“Don’t sweat the small stuff” sings Dolly Parton (I’m a big fan). And, as with many of her lyrics, she’s spot on.
Life can be a series of challenging moments. For some there is drama after drama, a seeming unending list of things to deal with. Others seem to sail through life, feathers unruffled, successful and happy.
What’s their secret?
Well, I don’t believe everyone does get off that lightly. We all have our cross to bear. It’s our personalities, beliefs and habits that influence the way that we deal with our issues in life.
One of the biggest problems we have as humans is that we think we know what’s best and try to control everything that’s going on, particularly when times are hard. When things go wrong, the fight or flight response is triggered. We want life to go our way and for things to be easier. Usually, we want other people to do what we want them to, which is rarely what happens!
It can be like paddling up stream in the rapids. You will get nowhere fast and will be beaten black and blue into the bargain.
Acceptance is the first step to calming that fighting instinct. Going with it, conserving your energy and taking stock to work out your next step is far easier - just as if you were in that river.
But how do you get to that place of acceptance?
My first answer is, as always ‘Tap it out!’ You can begin by tapping in the moment - when something stressful is happening - to move through any panic or anxiety. Stop, take a breath, put your hands over your heart and tap through the points. Or simply tap on the Collar Bone point, or on the fingers with your thumb. This works in several ways:
1. It distracts you from what’s going on, which helps you feel more separated from the situation
2. It empowers you - you’re taking action and changing how you feel
3. It calms the body by reducing cortisol and other stress hormones
4. You learn a new, supportive habit that becomes more and more helpful
When the initial panic has passed, you can also use tapping to clear the underlying causes of your reaction: your fears and negative beliefs.
The more you tap when life is easy and flowing, the more likely you will be able to cope when things do go wrong. Similarly, if you tap (or use any other de-stress technique) as part of your daily routine, you will find you are much more likely to stay calm when crisis strikes.
A couple of weeks ago I was in a car accident. It was minor and thankully, no-one was hurt. My first thought was: “No, my lovely car!!!” I pulled over to the side and jumped out. Not much damage, phew!
I walked back to the car that had hit me. The driver was shaking, crying and very upset. Someone had hit her, pushing her into me, and then driven off.
I noticed my legs were shaking from the adrenalin but I was totally calm and composed. I talked to the driver and reassured her (I really wanted to tap on her!) and called the police.
A few years ago, pre-EFT, I would have reacted just like she did. I used to cry at the drop of a hat and often felt powerless in stressful situations. After years of tapping and clearing my emotional triggers, I could now watch my body and the emotions going through me with interest. I was fine and there was no drama!
I do, of course, still get stressed out sometimes and have moments of feeling powerless and not knowing what to do. The difference is that now, if I have any of those old feelings coming up, I can tap them out and quickly bring myself back to a calm state.
I would never have wanted to have that accident but it did show me just how far I’ve come. It’s what I love most about doing this work and sharing what I’ve learned about tapping with other people. Even seemingly insurmountable problems can be overcome using these techniques. You can make this change in your life too.
If you have a change coming up that you know will be tough - maybe you’re moving house or have a stressful work situation looming - do yourself a favour a get ready now. There are a few ways you can do this:
1. Use the free resources on my website, learn the points and start tapping on your own.
2. Join the Stress Free Life Academy for 24 hours access to tools, techniques and support.
3. Book in a one to one session, and see how you’re doing. We can chat through your reactions, how you feel about the future, and get you in a really good state of mind that you will always have to fall back on.
Remember, the more you do to clear your triggers, the better you will cope when the unexpected happens.
I would love to hear from you! Please comment below or email me with your questions and stories to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you.